042308 Dream:
I was in a conglomerate of apartments, my old apartments, my aunt’s house, and someone else’s house that I’d been to before. The living room had a sectional sofa that bordered three walls, with a doorway in the middle of the center wall, and a black and white young cat played there. The door lead to a huge open room that connected with the hallway that opened up in the way my aunt’s kitchen connected to the hallway in her house (I’ll draw a diagram of the place, but I am pretty sure the rooms followed the Golden Spiral). There was an alternate way to get to this hallway, and that was to go through room after room on the outer edge of this spiral.
My cousin Rachel’s room was my room, even though there were two beds in it. I was still living with the ninja but he wasn’t there (I wished in the dream that he had been).
The dream started out with me in the couch room, looking at the couches. They were packed full of people. One of the times I went through the room, I counted at least seven people (including myself). They were couples, hormone driven twenty-somethings, and at first they were cuddling up, watching a movie or something, under blankets and I had the sense it was quieter than it had been before. I noticed the cat playing in the rectangle of dim light from the sofa room (it was brighter than it sounds). I decided I was going to go to bed, so I took the long path through rooms I think I’ve seen before in dreams (it always feels like that) and got to the hallway where my room was. I realized I could have taken the shortcut through the large room with the playing cat. I watched it jumping around playing with something I couldn’t see, and the flickering light from the television set (I never saw the T.V., actually, and come to think of it, there were no windows anywhere).
I opened the door, and saw a dark hump in my bed. Someone was sleeping in my bed. I left the room, quiet, and closed the door, and thought of what to do. I figured I could go slump into one of the living room chairs, but when I got back to the sofa room (again taking the long route), the couples had progressed into alternately sleeping and orally pleasing one another. One of the dudes noticed that I’d come into the room, and he pulled the blanket over his chick’s nakedness, but I again left quickly.
I went into my room, and now I was kind of annoyed that I’d been displaced, and it hardened my resolve. The person sleeping there was under the covers and was turned away, so I touched the person’s shoulder and gave it a gentle shake. It wasn’t enough. I shook a little harder, and asked “who are you, and why are you in my room, in my bed?” He rolled over, and looked at me with a big smile, then got up. “I’m Killian,” he said. He had glasses, and long, long curling gold hair, that deep vibrant blondish hue. I had the sense that he was wearing a long black peacoat and that he should be wearing a hat to go with it (thinking about it now) but he could have very well been wearing something else. I have the feeling that he was waiting for me (now, looking back), and he looked at me like he knew me, and was saying things I can’t remember anymore, but they seemed like jumbled schizo ramblings, which means I really should listen and try to remember.
I’ve never had such a string of meeting people in my dreams, remembering their faces, and have them say so much to me that I dismiss within the dream but want to know when I wake up. Anyway, he said everything on his way out of the room, and I went to close the door but couldn’t. Not that I physically tried to, but everything in me told me to go find Killian. So I left the room, closing the door behind me, and ran through the middle room where the cat played, running on the balls of my feet. I dashed through the sofa room, straight through to the outer spiral of rooms, running through them, hoping to catch him before he left. I couldn’t find him.
So I started to go back to my room, but I started closing and locking doors as I went. I started thinking that there were apartments within this circle-spiral of rooms, and that I was going to close mine off so more sleepy people didn’t come wandering into my room. One door was white with bronze colored fixtures, and the outer edges of the door stuck out further than the interior, which was slightly recessed. I thought that it might not be terribly sturdy.
When I finally got back to my room, a blonde girl was there, and she was standing in the room, quiet. She looked at me with mournful eyes (like a puppy) and lifted the covers to get into my bed.
“Hey,” I said. “This is my room, and that’s my bed. I know you’re sleepy, but I was just about to go to bed…” Seeming to ignore me, she climbed in, pulling the covers around herself. I looked at the other bed, which I could sleep on, but now I was frustrated by the constant lack of consideration I felt I was being shown, first people in my house, people doing each other on my couch, dude sleeping in my room, now this chick who didn’t have the decency to leave when I tell her that this is my room, my bed?
“Hey,” I said, and shook her shoulder. If she fell asleep, I wasn’t sure I could be mean enough to wake her again. She rolled away from my hand, and now I was pissed. I went to the foot of the bed and grabbed the wooden board. “This is my bed!” I said, and picked up the foot of the bed, then slammed it against the floor. I went on a shouting spree, saying this is my bed, my house, people had no consideration, she was being rude to me for no reason when I was letting everyone stay in my house, I just wanted to go to sleep, please, etc.
After what seemed like a few minutes of cathartic bed slamming (and it felt really good to shout and let it all out), the girl got up, still silent with the forlorn expression, and looked at the other bed. I apologized to her and said I wasn’t usually like that, but it was my bed, and I was very tired and frustrated, and I was willing to listen to her when I could actually stay awake to do so. I was going to offer her the other bed after so rudely removing her from mine, but she started out the door. I didn’t follow her, I just looked for a way to lock the door. I was sure there was a hook and eye thing on the door, but they looked like two eyes. I pulled on one and the chain seemed to pull out from where I don’t know. It was a strange chain set up (this is the second dream with a chain that didn’t work how it was supposed to) with safety pins and necklace chains, quite unreliable, and it ended up being really long. I figured I could MacGyver something that would hold, and I finally got it situated where it would be strongest and where I might be able to actually get some undisturbed sleep.
My interpretation of this is not only do I feel separate from the people in the living room, but I’ve been blocking out messages as if they were intrusions in dreams, from the hooded cult guy to this Killian. I even had a second chance within this same dream, but I was too lost in my preoccupation with feeling intruded upon and trying to stick up for myself and set boundaries to let anything else in, seeing how silent the girl was. I knew that the house was set in a sort of golden spiral within the dream somehow too, which, if I’d been thinking clearly instead of out of the programming in my subconscious, I might have taken notice.
I think a lot of this dream is, in fact, my thinking that I really do need to set boundaries with people. In the past I’ve been really open and sharing with people as far as with my apartment and finances have been, and in two cases, I ended up not only wiping out my bank account and getting abandoned with a 600 dollar a month lease, and in another case, about 400 dollars worth of video games and movies of my and the ninja’s stuff was stolen by the person I was letting stay there! I had a bad feeling about several things leading to this, one of which was getting the apartment because it was 600 dollars a month, and the other being the dude himself, who gave me a horrible feeling in my stomach, but I really, really needed a roommate, and a ton of people had looked at the place and no one called back.
I’ve been working on this balance between just being open, really open, and generous and actually preventing myself some “harm” because of this, trying to bring a tempering of wisdom to that unconditional love.
Another part of this dream is showing me that the subjects my conscious mind has been preoccupied with hasn’t yet stuck with my subconscious programming, and my subconscious mind is letting me know that by going overboard with the boundaries thing, I’m shutting out stuff I don’t need to be shutting out. I could have slept in that other bed in my room and shared my personal space with strangers that were just looking for a place to sleep. They weren’t rude or anything, just kind and reserved people.
Hmm I shouted two days in a row in my dreams. Wonder what that’s all about (the throat chakra sure was pulsing in my meditation last night, though).
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